You Might Be A Closet Dispie If:
1) You Believe in the Delay of Romans Eleven but cannot figure out its purpose. (Romans
11:24-32)
2) You would have taken the moral highground but it looked too much like Dispensationalism.
(1 Corinthians 4:1,2)
3) You Thought the Division Between Old and New Testament was a minor detail hardly
worth mentioning.
4) You think that it just couldn't be that simple, could it? (Matthew 18:3,4)
5) You will only publicly admit to Jesus clarifying what Moses Said. (Matthew 5)
6) You now believe in turning the other cheek but you mistakenly thought it was because
you don't like to fight. (Matthew 5:38ff)
7) You have this unexplained and inordinate desire for LaHayes charts but thought it
was only because of all the pretty pictures.
8) Answers the 'Is the Church Israel?' question with Clintonesque answers like: 'It
depends on what your definition of Israel, Is.' AND 'Well, it is and it isn't.' 
9) You sneak out at night just to 'Rightly Divide' Things. (2 Timothy 2:15) 
10) You're in counseling because you found out that you may have been condemning yourself
all this time. 
11) Made the mistake of determining your eschatology first and now cannot make sense
of the rest. 
12) You think you are not a dispie just because you're not a Hyperdispie.
13) You think that nothing worth a hill of beans has more than two syllables to its
name.
14) You definitely disagree with Full Preterism and Hyper Dispensationalism but
can only say that you are somewhere in the middle, about where that fence is.
15) You've been a member of D.U.H.- Dispies, Ultra Dispies and HyperDispies Anonymous
for twenty years now, and cannot get past step one. 
16) Think that one's eschatology couldn't possibly be based on when one actually wants
to leave. (1 Thess. 4:16,17) '...Comfort One another with these words...'
17) You Thought you didn't agree with Dispensationalism when you just didn't like the
Dispie you knew.
18) You are secretly happy to be a Gentile. (Romans 2:9;3:9)
19) Just cannot envision the millionaire Tim LaHaye getting a 'well done' twice. 
20) Believes that God will fulfill His promises to the nation of Israel in the end,
but cannot coherently explain what the heck is going on now. 
21) Publicly rejects the Dispensational and Republican viewpoint because you think
it does something strange to ones neck and hair.
Bj Maxwell 07/27/2006
